Alright, alright. “Bad things keep happening to you”, I got this. For a second, I want you to stop thinking. Imagine yourself in a world where nobody exists. There is only you and… silence.
Does that feel comfortable? That’s what you’re dreaming about when you go through a bad phase of your life, aren’t you?
I’m not here to prove you wrong or teach you another valuable lesson. Not yet. I want you to close your eyes. You’re in a beautiful, peaceful place. There is no buzz, no annoying people, obligations or duties. You’re free from concerns, problems, and people that you hate.
Now, let me ask you this question, my friend. What do you feel? Write it down.
Let me ask you another question. Being in this beautiful place, what do you want to do? Write it down.
And the third question. When was the last time you did it? Write it down.
How is this connected to the bad phase of your life that you’re going through right now? Let’s figure that out. I’ll approach this from afar, so you can skip the next chapter if you don’t want to know why people with different beliefs think the “bad times” happen.
There are people who believe that bad things keep happening to them because they were either cursed or their whole family tree was cursed.
For example, there is a movie called “The Pillars of the Earth”, and in the 6th episode of the 1 season there had to be a marriage between Alfred Builder and Aliena. When the ceremony was about to start, a “witch” appeared and cursed their marriage with these words:
“I curse this marriage sorrow
I curse this marriage with impotence
with hatred, with regret and bitterness”
Finally, she cuts the chicken’s throat. Later on, her curse becomes real and Alfred is unable to perform his man’s duty.
Why did Alfred Builder believe in it? The ritual was pretty damn epic. I would believe that curse myself.
Back then, there were many people who believed in magic, witchcraft, and curses. Today, many people still believe in these things but in a different form. Instead of blaming others in their miseries, they overblame themselves. “I will never be happy again”, “I’m a failure”, “Of course, it happened again”.
When going through another bad phase of life, people may believe in the devil’s work. They think there is a devil that lives inside. That’s what religious people usually believe in. I know that first-hand because I spent 4 years living in a rented flat with hosts. They were religious people. Anything that was done against the God’s will, anything that was forbidden was perceived as a devil’s work. Even my failed exams which I had to pass, at least, 5 times before finally closing them.
At last, when stuck in a negative loop, some people call it destiny. Destiny is something so sophisticated that many people are trying to guess, catch or follow. There are some who choose their destiny to be the unlucky one. So they tend to say something like “I can’t choose my fate. Everything is predetermined”, “I’ve never meant to be happy”, etc.
Destiny is an easy excuse for what you could have done but had no balls to make it.
As you can see, many people believe in different things. What’s most important here is that people blame different monsters for their miseries, however, they are the true monsters themselves.
Once you realize that bad phases of life are happening and reoccurring because you fucked it up at some point or another, the picture gets clearer. We are born in different families with a variety of available assets. You may or may not have had all the privileges of this world, love of your parents or appreciation from your mentors, however, if you’re reading this article you’re 100% responsible for your life.
Do you remember those 3 questions I asked you in the beginning? Let’s go through them one more time and I’ll explain why they even matter.
I don’t remember which book I read this in, but it was about the interpretation of dreams. When you’re dreaming emotions are the most accurate guiding star out there. When you can’t figure out what your mind is saying to you, there is always a more or less clear way to identify your current state of mind by knowing what you feel.
Feelings don’t lie.
When you feel like shit it’s probably the way it is. And, the only way to change it is to make yourself feel good. How?
Fake it until you make it, hehe. That actually works. However, I want to give you a more actionable tip which I tried myself. If you’re following me on Twitter, you probably know that I was writing down my emotions and feelings for some time.
I think I had a bipolar disorder when you experience a wide range of emotions during the day and you find no actual reasons why it happens.
As the National Institute of Mental Health puts it, bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.
So, I wanted to figure out what actually caused this mood grenade. I was writing down what I feel and what I think the cause of it was. Very soon have I found that there were only a few issues that I was concentrating on which contributed to my mood shifts.
The everyday struggle with these unsolved problems was making me unhappy, and I thought, I’ll never escape this circle of miseries. The bad things in my life kept happening. I’ve lost my job, my website didn’t work, I didn’t know what to do and to crown it all there were in-house problems. Identifying my feelings gave me the materials to work with.
Now, when you know what your emotions are, it’s reasonable to ask what is that you’re doing now and how it’s different from what you actually want to be doing.
If what you do now doesn’t match what you want to do – screw that. I don’t care who forced you to be in this situation either God, Devil, your parents, fate or anything else – leave it behind and move on. Your God is testing you, and you should take this test with honor. The Devil has no power if you shift your focus from negative to positive. Finally, your destiny is yet undefined, so focus on making good decisions and simply ignore all the trash that spawns in your head.
Do what you want and what you need. I’m not saying that you should be doing what you love because it’s not always true. Most of the time, we do things that we hate in order to do things that we love, at least, for one day.
So, I encourage you to do what you want. Bad phases of life keep happening to you because you’re not living your life. You went for the uni degree because your mom told you. She told you to be a doctor, but you always wanted to be a car mechanic. You’re working as a police officer because your father has always known what you want. However, what you truly want is to be a cook.
You have only one life to live. Enjoy it.
You can always get back to a mediocre life, pain, and misery. Try a different thing, damn it. Try to have some fun.
Don’t tell me that you want to take that selfie with a guy you don’t like because you want to prove something to that girl you hate. Don’t tell me that you want to take the most expensive trip to prove something to people that you hate. Don’t tell me that you will go to the university because your mom has told you to, and now you hate every day of your life because of it.
Stop it. Stop being a people pleaser. Focus on pleasing yourself while making other people happy. If you don’t benefit from making somebody happy – screw that. Of course, sometimes you need to act because you’re generous and kind but don’t abuse that because other people certainly will.
Right now, I encourage you to go and do what your heart is telling you regardless of what other people will think about it. Let’s agree that you’ll flip a coin.
Head means that today you go and do what you always wanted to do. Tail means that today you live your old lifestyle. Practice that thing every day and see what happens.
The bad phase of our life is an integral part of it. Bad things happen to all of us. Sometimes you just need to live through it as the time goes by it will be alright. However, when the bad stuff doesn’t go away, then you need to take action. Follow these steps to stop the bad things from happening:
That’s it. Hopefully, that helped. Stay awesome!
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