Today is the best day to disconnect from people, move away from the outside world, deepen in your own thoughts, isn’t it?
Yesterday when you went to bed you thought that when you wake up in the morning everything will be alright, but you woke up feeling even more miserable?
It feels like the time has stopped and everybody else is rushing somewhere, setting goals, achieving, laughing, building relationships and you’re standing like “Why am I not happy?”, “What have I done wrong?”, “Why can’t I take control of my life just like other people do?”
You’re tired of people, things that you normally like doing, things that you hate doing, goals, needs, duties, beliefs… Why is everything so complicated? Yesterday you said to yourself: “I want to make my life better, I will start exercising, waking up early, doing my hobbies, etc.” but you’ve failed, haven’t you?
Congratulations! You have taken the first step of taking your life under control. If you feel what you feel, if you question everything that’s happening in your life even your most sacred, grounded principles you’re on the path of becoming better, stronger, greater than you’re now.
There are plenty of reasons that might have led you to where you’re now, to the state of where you feel most insecure, sensitive and fragile. You might have got a bad mark at school, failed an exam at uni, quarreled with your parents, girlfriend or boyfriend, wife or husband, etc.
You might have just lost somebody whom you loved, the dearest friend, mother or father. Maybe you’ve just lost your job or simply didn’t get a promotion, or you might have been tricked by a scammer.
Maybe you simply found yourself heading nowhere and your ship of life was blown far away into the vast ocean of missed opportunities, things that you should have done, but failed.
You know better. Whatever the reason is, you’re where you’re now and the first thing you can do is you need to accept it. Embrace what you feel now, value this time. You were granted a chance to start everything from scratch.
The good news is that you’re free from all the concerns, prejudices, and you’re now open for new opportunities in your life.
You’re no longer making automatic decisions. As you know, our brain is designed to be efficient and this is why most of our decisions (in 95% of cases) come unthought and based on our previous experience. There are good and ugly sides of such decisions and these things all very well described in the book by Daniel Kahneman “Thinking, Fast and Slow”.
You can finally start everything from scratch and make the life that you want, not the life that the system, society, parents or friends dictate you.
You are the gardener and the guardian of your life. Plant and protect only those seeds which you will be proud of.”
The bad news is that you will never be the same. Some people don’t realize it, but no matter how hard they try to catch up with the past they just can’t get it. Because our time, our lives are not programmed to move backward.
If you had a time machine you’d go back in time and used other words to ask for a promotion. You would say to your beloved ones how much you love them. You would not miss this or that opportunity. You wouldn’t date this girl or guy that has left you or maybe you left them…
Let me ask you this question: “Do you have a time machine?”
I know. Well, at least, not in 2018.
This feeling (sorrow, disappointment, self-devastation, emptiness, etc.,) that you have now is sweet, isn’t it? You can escape it during the daytime because there are many things that distract you. It seems like you’re feeling better.
What happens when the night comes? When you’re left alone in your room with your own thoughts? This is terrifying. This is so intimidating that you want to run away. But you can’t. You can’t run away from yourself.
You may find yourself going against your principles, overdoing things that you normally do.
Have you recently tried alcohol, but you never normally drink? Have you started playing computer games more often? Are you trying to get lost in watching youtube videos, series, movies for hours?
This is alright. It’s an absolutely normal reaction of your organism trying to save you from the problem that you have. It tries its best to protect you from the arisen danger.
However, what your organism doesn’t know is that it exposes you to another horrible threat. Remember I told you, that in this state you’re the most fragile creature on the planet earth?
It’s all individual, but if you spend too much time playing computer games, drinking, hurting yourself or being addicted to something else you can get lost forever. Distracting yourself is not going to help you solve the core of the problem, however it may help you fight with depression.
You are stronger than you think. I assure you of that. And I know it because you’re reading this article. Because you’re looking for the answer. Believe me, I’ve been where you are now. I’ve made it and so can you.
You are not alone on this journey, my friend.
Step into the unknown. I know this is scary. I know that whatever you’ve lost is gonna hurt like hell. Let it be so.
This is crazy! Yes, it is. It is crazy. There are at least two things that you have. Time and courage.
There is no a better remedy than time. Time is always moving forward and everything else tries to follow it. How many times have you failed, felt lost or disappointed and a couple of months or a year later you laughed at it?
Don’t resist, don’t fight – wait. Just live. I don’t say that you should live like you lived before. No way. But just live.
Giving any prescriptions on how to solve this problem is pointless without understanding the details.
Imagine you visit a doctor and you come up and say: “Doc, I have a problem”. What he says is: “Alright, take these two pills, one in the morning and another in the evening”. And you say: “But, doctor, you don’t even know what my problem is…”
If the doc, however, took a minute to ask you questions such as “How do you feel?”, “When did you sleep last time?”, “What hurts you? Where does it hurt?”, etc., then he would really take care. By asking these questions he would identify what the issue is and then he could provide a solution.
However, you can try this quick and easy exercise which will help you feel that you have more control of your life than you think.
On your way to work, school or back home you can take a different path. Walk a different road than you usually do and just let your thoughts get generated in your head. They will come and go. A short or long walk like that usually works as meditation for me. The best place to walk is any road where there very few or no people at all. There is always the main road that’s most crowded and yards or sideroads that are not that traffic heavy.
What can you expect to achieve by doing this small exercise? Usually, when you go the same road, eat the same food, do the same things, talk to the same people every day you may feel like your life doesn’t belong to you anymore. It’s a chaos and you have very little if no control at all.
A short walk, taking a different path literally and figuratively will help you get your feeling of control back. Practicing this exercise once in a while will help you stay focused, concise and creative with your life. The cool thing is that this exercise can be applied to anything in your life such as your job, relationships, hobbies, etc.
It helps you break the “ordinary” pattern and see things from a different perspective and in a new light.
If you’re still struggling to solve your problem or if you have any suicidal thoughts don’t hesitate to contact me at email@example.com
The best way to get back on my feet is to do some self-reflection. When I chose a wrong path to follow I need to analyze everything and return to where I started. When I go back I have experience which I didn’t have before I got lost. Now, I have knowledge and direction. So, how do I do it?
I try to stay away from all the negative thoughts in my head. Nevertheless, I get back to the issue as many times a day as possible. I analyze every single detail (what I thought, what I did, what my expectations were, why it happened that way, who the people were, what went wrong, what I could have done better, etc.,)
I look at the issue from different perspectives. I limit communication with my family or friends. I “go into my own cave” to find the answers I need. I’m fully concerned with this matter only. I watch youtube videos on this problem, I read personal answers on Quora or simply try to google it.
When I don’t find the answer and depression overwhelms me, I play computer games or guitar, I go for a walk with somebody whom I trust or do workout. I understand that I need to get distracted. It allows me to win the time and do not make anything stupid. Later on, I get back to the problem and start over. I dig into it again, trying to see the issue from all possible angles.
At this stage, everything becomes more or less clear. Later, I dig into details even more just to find all the flaws that I’ve made and eliminate them. I blame neither other people nor myself. I’m concentrated on the situation only.
It depends on the issue that I have, and the complexity of the situation. I understand that I can’t get better overnight. So, I just give myself time and I live. This is how I do it.
Share in the comments how you take control of your life when you’re depressed. I would love to read it!
When you ask yourself “How to take control of my life?” you’ve taken the first step to being mindful and self-aware. It’s all about setting milestones for yourself and defining your goals and vision. However, this is a very broad question and you can only get a broad answer.
Identify what bothers you at this very moment. Are you satisfied with it? How do you want to spend the evening, tomorrow’s day or the next week? By asking such questions you’ll be surprised what you can find. The answers that you’re looking for live inside you.
I hope this article helped you. If so, please, share it with your friends.