You’re dating a guy for several weeks, months or even years and recently you heard something like “I feel like you’re hiding something from me”, “I feel like you’re not telling me something”. If these are one of the phrases you heard recently, then it’s time for you think about how to save your relationship that’s falling apart.
This thing didn’t come from nowhere to the guy’s head. You’ve probably just had a meeting with an old friend or ex or somebody else, and now you don’t want to say it to your boyfriend whatsoever. However, your boyfriend is pressuring you and forces you to answer his questions. He probably says that he can see the signs that you’re cheating on him or hiding something.
How can you explain to your boyfriend that you didn’t have anything with that guy? How should you behave to gain your boyfriend’s trust back?
You see, men are quite “sensitive” creatures nowadays. Some men are absolutely sure that you’re the one and only you can make their life better and happier. Any little thing that looks like a potential threat to their happiness will instantly lead to anxiety, depression and angriness.
What’s the best way to get his happiness back? Exactly. Start controlling you. The worst tactic that an abusive man uses to take control over his girlfriend or wife is passive aggression. “I don’t know if I can trust you” is one of the things your boyfriends says when he thinks that you’re lying. And he thinks that all the time.
As time goes on, it’s getting more and more difficult for a guy to control you or it’s better to say to control himself. Now, he sees that you’re cheating on him everywhere. The thing becomes so absurd that suspects your every single action, every word you say is a lie to him. How did it come to this? How did your beloved one turn into the worst type of boyfriend to date with?
One of the reasons the guy is so insecure now, and literally your boyfriend has turned into a tyrant, may lay in your behaviors and in what you say.
For example, I have a friend who recently broke up with her ex and a month later started dating another guy. The new guy knows pretty much everything about her previous relationships, and he also knows that she sometimes keeps in touch with her ex on phone.
When her ex-boyfriend writes her she says that she can’t simply ignore him because she is not “that type of girl”. She is polite, sincere and sensitive, so she just can’t resist texting him back. Now, how does this new guy know everything?
Well, the answer is simple. She tells him. By nature, her new boyfriend is very insecure about it. He always thinks that there might be a chance that she will go back to her ex-boyfriend. The idea itself makes him absolutely mad about it. What’s the outcome?
He tries to control every move of her. For example, it may look as friendly as what did you eat today? What was your supper? In case, you say that there was no supper, and you haven’t eaten yet, the guy will ask: “Oh, why? What did you do? What are you doing now?”.
Don’t ever say that “you were quite busy”. Without providing any specific reason why the heck you didn’t eat that supper it will arise an enormous amount of suspicions, and your boyfriend will literally avalanche you with questions. If you didn’t meet your ex or didn’t meet any other random guy, even if it’s like a really random guy from the street, then say what you were doing.
It may seem scary that your boyfriend is so mad at you because he sees signs that you’re cheating on him on Facebook, on Instagram, anywhere when you’re actually not. But at the time it’s very easy to control the situation.
If you value your relationship and you think that this is the one, and you don’t want any other guy, then play a game. Eliminate all the other guys from your boyfriend’s horizon. He should not hear nor he should see any other potential “threats” at all.
While it actually may not be true, because I personally think this is crazy and as a girl you have 100% right to walk with whoever you want as long as it doesn’t go far.
I’m not speaking about open relationships, because it’s not my cup of tea at all. However, if you really have a friend then why not have a short walk with him. Spending all the evening with your friend and not with your boyfriend is a whole different story, but some nice walk and talk are okay.
Anyway, such a walk is tricky as hell. If you come back home or meet your guy and start saying how amazing you spend your time with your friend – congratulations, you have just ruined your relationship.
All men are sensitive, even if they don’t accept it. When you say that you spent incredible time talking to your friend then your boyfriend automatically thinks that he is a piece of shit. And you’ll have some very difficult times getting your boyfriend’s trust back. Because you have just killed his self-esteem.
The best way you can handle the situation is to say “Well, yeah, I walked with this guy, but you’re so amazing, you’re so much better than anybody else, I love you.” Then you can expect that you’ll kill only 50% of his self-esteem. Anyway, always try to make him feel larger than life. You will get a ton more love back.
What should you do if your ex texted you or you even met him and you might as well have had a talk with him? Don’t say a word to your current boyfriend.
This is not your boyfriend’s responsibility to watch over your old relationship. It’s your concern to handle it. Draw a line. Either get out completely from the old relationship mentally and physically or don’t hurry to start a new one. You have a mental battle yourself and it may lead you to temporary depression.
You don’t want to feel anxious about your relationships all the time. Choose one. And stick to it. There is no better way than give up on the past and start a new life from scratch. If you’re really into your current new relationships and you love your boyfriend then let the old one go. And do not ever come back there. The past is in the past and the best thing you can do is to concentrate on the present keeping the future in mind. Never be the same.
It’s clear that you and your boyfriend are completely different personalities with different background and life experiences. The reason why your boyfriend is thinking that you’re hiding something from him on your phone or anywhere else may lay in his background as well.
He might have had relationships where he was tricked, deceived and devalued. And it’s his concern to solve it as well. Do your best to help him solve his problems and you will gain your love doubled. Do not try to solve his problems directly, but support him on your way to the better future together. Let him figure things out. However, you should dropping really thick hints.
I’d recommend you read two books “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” and “The Way of the Superior Man.” You’ll learn a lot of things about relationships.
We sometimes make wrong choices but the good news is that when we realize it, we can change it. Choose love.
Sometimes, you just can’t get your boyfriend’s trust back because he doesn’t trust himself. He is lost and weak, and the only thing he does is hurting you because he has found no other way to prove himself. If he raises his hand or intentionally abuses you and devalues you – run fucking away.
This is the worst type of boyfriend to date with. This guy is not worth your pride, he is not worth your love, tears and dedication to change your relationship for the better. You’re worth more than that. You deserve to be loved and valued. These things don’t come from outside they live inside. Look inside yourself, find love and take it where it will flourish.
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