Feels like the worst thing has already happened, huh? Why did you deserve to feel all this pain? Why do the worst things happen to the good people? Oh, damn, I think this intro is like the one from those religion-promotional leaflets.
Anyway, those are the questions you probably ask yourself if you’re going through the hard times in your life. Well, I did. Recently, I realized that asking such questions is even more devastating than “living in hell” like you probably think you do now.
Most likely you don’t see any future for yourself now and you’d rather kill yourself than live this pointless life in pain. Well, this is too easy. Whatever age you’re now, just think for a second that you’ve somehow lived till this moment. The exact moment where the mental and physical pain is so unbearable that you’d choose to die just because you can’t stay any longer.
You simply can’t live like that anymore. This horrible thing is killing you, and you’re naturally thinking “What could have been worse?”
I’m 21 and the worst thing that happened to me is living with sciatica for 10 years already. The back nerve gets compressed by intervertebral discs. This nerve burger is pretty friendly, nobody dies, all good.
There are several stages that you can go through when you have this issue. At first, it starts with a touch of uncomfortable muscle pain in your back, at least, you think so. Your muscles, indeed, get stressed. However, the compressed backbone disks press the nerve and the stressed muscles only help to press the nerve even harder.
Some incredible feelings have you got when you deal with sciatica. The thing starts with friendly muscle pain and then it constantly growths if you try to keep up with your everyday activities such as job, school, walks, etc. This pain is with you everywhere you go, everywhere you sit or lay or stay motionless.
You start with “Ah, c’mon, not again.”, “Not now, please, this period of my life is so important”, “Oh, no, I’ve just planned my trip”, etc. The pain is here; it doesn’t go. It doesn’t care. You slowly get irritated and angry at yourself, at your body, and your productivity drops.
Your mood slightly flows into the depression. The pain growth bigger. You start walking with a limb. The pain intensifies. You have an important thing to do and you must be there. You still can physically be at this place but you need to get there first. I used to move around the city by public transport. Every bus move at the bus stop or traffic light, every somebody who gets on the bus and tries to pass by you but touches you somehow makes you feel the pain at its full.
At this moment it already feels like you’ve got a knife big enough to be stuck in your leg and hip. And every time you move the knife moves with you and cuts you through the flesh.
At the meeting or at whatever place you’ve been you did not succeed. You could have done better. You could have done better if you hadn’t had this pain.
If you have sciatica, you probably know that it pretty much comes from nowhere. The reason is yet undefined. Somebody says that it’s from cold, sharp move, draught, compressed backbone discs, etc. The problem is probably because of the lifestyle and too much sitting. But, whatever.
Bad things don’t usually come from nowhere. It must have been your responsibility to avoid them. Now, your responsibility is to learn from whatever has happened.
You’re where you are. You feel unbearable pain in your hip, and every move is a superhero challenge for you. But you’re still walking. You blame the whole world that this is unfair. There are so many people who spend 14+ hours a day sitting and leading a completely inactive lifestyle and they feel just fine. Why is the life so unfair to you?
The depression is here. It’s overwhelming you. The combination of physical and mental pain is just killing. Don’t worry, there is always more to come. When the night comes you can barely sleep, and then in the middle of the night you open your eyes understanding that you can’t move because your hip and leg hurt like hell. You can’t move because of pain. You can’t turn or stand up.
What’s the worst thing that can happen? You’re laying on your back and you want to take a piss but you can’t stand up. Here you’re. You have a choice. You can stand up, and with your clenched teeth, swearing and hating everything go to the toilet. Instead, you can also choose to stay in bed and end up laying in the puddle of your own urine.
I prefer to open my swimming season in summer, and usually I swim in a river or lake. Just urinating in my own bed doesn’t sound exciting. This is when the real battle begins. When you can stand up.
Luckily, I’ve never attempted to kill myself simply because I felt no need to do that. So, suicide is not an option in this list. And even though I was very afraid that the pain is going to last forever, I always wanted to see how far I can get. Last time sciatica got me, I had to zombie-walk to the drug store because pills, exercises and ointment didn’t help. So, I had to make one injection at 5 a.m., and another one somewhere in the evening.
I could finally sleep and have a rest. When you’re feeling severe pain there is no better treatment than stopping feeling it, at least, for a second and at best have some sleep. The lesson I learned having sciatica is that you can’t take it from your life forever, but this thing can take the life from you if you give up.
Why living you may ask? Because I don’t know what happens when I die. But I very well know what’s gonna happen if I keep working on making my life better, adjusting it to my own needs, learning to live with the disease. There is a good movie that I recommend watching. It’s called “A Beautiful Mind”.
So, this is it, I have no clue what’s there in another world, and if there is such things as another world. But I have control over my life today and I’ll have it tomorrow.
Obviously, you can’t be fighting 24/7 because your mind and body will get tired and then something shall happen. You’ll probably find your natural instincts turn on when you’re in the bad phase of your life, but you need to listen to your intuition and your body.
And what did you expect? Keep pushing, never give up, just do it, and other crazy shit? I don’t know where you want to push, but I’d recommend you to relax first. Whatever battle you’re having either mental or physical or both hold your horses. Before you start blaming yourself for what you have or have not done, before you dig a hole for yourself just relax. Pull back.
Imagine a carriage. When the thing is stuck, you can’t push it only forward. Because you’ll fail to move it an inch. Instead, what you do you pull back and then you push again. The stuck carriage strategy can be applied to any sphere of your life.
In this case, a candy can be your strategy. If you recently went on a diet, started doing sports, dancing, singing, learning things, anything that has not yet become your habit or puts extra stress on you – don’t do it.
For me, it was stopping any sports activities. I usually workout every second day, but when you can’t even move those sports activities remind you of what you can’t do rather than what you can. Let yourself recover and then start climbing the mountain again.
When you’re going through the hard times, you have a serious battle happening inside. For some magical reason, you put yourself in the center of the world and start blaming yourself for every bad thing that happened. You remind yourself that you’re not enough or should and could have done better. Your self-esteem gets severely damaged. You may get shy and develop a sense of social anxiety, so it’s very important to stay confident.
If there is something that you can’t do physically – diversify and concentrate on what you can. For example, if you can’t do squats because your leg hurts, then do pull-ups instead. If you can’t write with your right hand because you broke it, then try writing with your left one or play around with voice assistants on your mobile.
If you have applied for 1,000 jobs but you didn’t get any, then learn this simple trick to get a job without any experience. Whatever you do, the idea is to look at it from a different perspective and try to find what you’re capable of doing under your circumstances.
It’s important not to lose control over what’s going on in your life. When you deal with depression and anxiety after the bad thing struck you, there is no other way around then to remind yourself what that is you’re living for. I’m not saying that you should be asking yourself some sophisticated questions like “What is the sense of life?”, instead, you need to break each day into pieces.
Ask yourself when was the last time you did something for yourself? Not because you wanted to please somebody, not because somebody asked you to do it, but because you decided so? If you didn’t find the answer, it’s a good time to do something good for yourself. Let yourself do something that you would normally restrict such as playing computer games, smoking, etc. Yeah, it’s bad.
Give your either good or bad habit a shot. Why? Because I won’t say that you must commit to self-improvement, develop good habits, etc. I can’t force you, nobody can. You can’t change something until you’re ready to make a change. Everything starts with desire.
So, when you set short-term goals to survive another day there has to be a long-term goal as well. For now, speaking about my financial goals, I know that I want to buy a flat that would probably cost around $30,000 by the age of 25. This is a clear and measurable goal. If you have no clear goal and at least some approximate timeline most likely this goal is useless.
When sciatica got me, I have already had a goal and this is what drove me. I didn’t want to quit until I reach this goal. Your goal may be anything that you’re interested in and not necessarily a financial or materialistic one.
A small goal is something that you’re doing today, did yesterday and will do tomorrow. Setting up clear and measurable goals such as “I want to make one person smile today, and it’s me” is a good goal. Try to make yourself smile. It’s a natural remedy to bad things in your life.
When you’re trying to come out of the bad phase of your life you may follow these steps:
You’re stronger than you think, and you can get through anything. Wasn’t it you who got you out of the mess last time, huh?
If you liked the article share it with your friends who are dealing with bad things in their lives. And as always, share your story in the comments!